Big Kahuna's Attic

Top Paperback Fiction

2011-01-07T16:47:00.000-08:00

I must have strange taste. I look at the top fiction paperbacks, and the only ones I've read I didn't really like. I tend to read different things.

Then again, at least I haven't read this book. Yet.

Watching some Strange

2010-06-02T09:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, let me start off by saying that I don't in any way endorse the objectification of women (or men) or the adult entertainment industry where women (and men) take off their clothes and touch their naughy bits for money. Lots of money, it seems.

But on a particularly boring afternoon I did some Web surfing, and ran across a site called mygeeklove.com
It's one of those sites where you can watch women (and men) in their underwear for free, and if you want to see them nekkid and doing all sorts of things you normally do in private, you sign up and pay some money. Or a lot of money.

But, like I said, you can preview it for free, which I did. And although several of the women (and men) appeared to be in a small room in the breakaway Republic of Asscrackistan, many were fairly attractive men (and women) who seemed to have found an easy way to make a few bucks. What I found funny, though, was reading the chat posts by the guys watching. It ranged from some dude asking for a free show to some dude repeatedly asking to see the model's feet. Lots of feet guys online, it seems.

You learn a lot about fetishes at a place like this.

But be warned. These places cater to a wide variety of interests. So if you don't know what the abbreviations mean, just don't go there. Some things can not be unseen.

The Geek ABC's

2010-05-24T05:45:00.000-07:00

http://www.geeksaresexy.net/2010/05/13/the-geek-alphabet/

When Pandora Goes Horribly, Horribly Wrong...

2010-05-12T12:47:00.000-07:00

I was deep in a creative groove, churning out what (in my mind) was surely my next masterpiece. Mr. Manson had just finished up, and Pink Floyd before that. Then Pandora picked a rather unlikely song to play. I wonder what connection there is, and end up screaming.

Today in History...

2010-05-10T12:08:00.000-07:00

May 10 1994

Former building contractor, children's party clown, and jailhouse artist John Wayne Gacy is executed by lethal injection. Police found 28 shallow graves in the crawlspace beneath Gacy's house in 1978. After a dinner which included fried chicken, fried shrimp, and french fries, Gacy is strapped to a gurney. When asked if he has any last words, the serial killer obliges with: "Kiss my ass."

300 active-duty Marines stationed at Twenty-Nine Palms receive a 46-question, multiple-choice survey. Given a hypothetical situation, more than a quarter of respondents indicate their willingness to "fire upon U.S. citizens who refuse or resist confiscation of firearms banned by the U.S. government." On the positive side, almost two-thirds recognize that the order would be patently unconstitutional.

A good day to stay in bed.

Yard Nazis

2010-04-19T11:28:00.000-07:00

An answer to the yard nazis we all know.

Up front about Assassination

2010-04-07T17:30:00.000-07:00

I remember the good old days when we blamed our assassinations on mundane events that nobody believed, like boat explosions and tetanus. What is this country coming to with this "transparent government" thing?

U.S. Approves Targeted Killing of American Cleric

WASHINGTON — The Obama administration has taken the extraordinary step of authorizing the targeted killing of an American citizen, the radical Muslim cleric Anwar al-Awlaki, who is believed to have shifted from encouraging attacks on the United States to directly participating in them, intelligence and counterterrorism officials said Tuesday.

[more]

Ordained

2010-04-05T16:39:00.000-07:00

I am now officially an ordained minister with the Universal Life Church, in Modesto, California. And so it goes.

Fear and Loathing in Hanover

2010-04-01T10:18:00.000-07:00

I really hate having neighbors sometimes. Not all of them, of course. A lot of them are really good folks; decent people who help when things get rough. But there's just enough of the annoying nimrods to keep you wondering if you should move, or learn arson.

If I don't cut my grass enough, I get complaints. If I cut it with the wrong type of lawnmower, I get complaints (no kidding). If I have weeds, I get complaints. If I use weedkiller then I get complaints on when I use it. Or how I use it (I'm not sure).

We had a concern with an area business idling its engine outside our house, so we contacted the BBB. The business complained to our neighbor who used their service, and now the neighbor has complained to us. WTF? How do these nutjobs get involved in everything we do??

I tell you, it's time to build a giant killer robot.

Funny Animals

2010-04-01T06:22:00.001-07:00

Web Design Truisms

2010-04-01T06:20:00.000-07:00

What Day is It?

2010-04-01T04:11:00.000-07:00

Trust Google to remember what today is...

http://googleblog.blogspot.com/2010/04/different-kind-of-company-name.html

Hey, Fatso...

2010-03-01T07:34:00.000-08:00

Are you tall, big, or ginormous? Then I have the blog for you. The Fat Guy's Guide reviews things of interest to large people. Never get stuck in a toilet again!

Why I Blog

2010-02-10T05:05:00.000-08:00

http://www.appletreeblog.com/wp-content/2008/02/duty-calls-cartoon.jpg

Your Kid Not a Genius? So Sue Disney.

2010-02-09T12:00:00.000-08:00

This falls under the category of fracking ridiculous, and I'm surprised the Mouse actually did it.

Baby Einstein Refund

Sure, it was a bit of hyperbole to say that video entertainment for babies would make them geniuses, but far less than goes on in normal marketing. How many guys who wear Axe deodarant actually get jumped by swimsuit models? And all I've ever gotten out of eating Doritos is fatter and stinkier.

Hmmm...maybe I can get my money back..?

Wintergreen

2009-12-30T19:04:00.000-08:00

We did a brief stint to Wintergreen, and it was a lot of fun. I don't ski, or snowboard, or even walk very gracefully, but the rest of the pack does. And I enjoyed watching them have fun.

Something I found entertaining, though, was when I was returning our ski equipment. The gentleman in front of me was trying to get his money back. He was in his late fifties, and in a foul mood. The woman behind the counter couldn't give him his money, but offered a raincheck to any of their outlets. He said he was never going skiing again, and left.

I asked the lady why he was mad. Seems the night before his wife somehow managed to get them evicted from their rental unit. Not sure how that was possible and still be out of jail the next morning.

Kinda wish I knew the rest of the story...

Francine Dee Won't Return My Emails

2009-12-23T13:23:00.000-08:00

I blame Francine Dee for Nuclear Ronin crashing before it's second issue.

Well, not crashing exactly. But it has slowed to a grind. Sure, partly because Wizard magazine covered the same information, minus the cheesecake, and sure, it was having a great deal of trouble finding traction with readers. But the next issue was going to have internet sensation Francine Dee [WARNING: links to an adult site with copious amounts of nudity] as the cover story. She had agreed, and everything.

Then nothing. I sent her questions. No answers. You could almost hear the crickets chirping. I sent her a link to my main site, to show her how I was legitimate, even though I have her pictures tattooed on the inside of my eyelids. I ever replaced the dead carcuses on her shrine that I made in the attic with whole, new, fresh carcuses.

Still nothing. And Nuclear Ronin lays dormant, her flagship article in limbo.

So if you're listening, Francine, it's all your fault. Yours, and Tila Tequila, who was my first choice...

E-Books...Maybe...

2009-12-23T12:50:00.000-08:00

I was talking to some teenie bopper at Best Buy the other day - no choice, she was the cashier - and she made a comment about the Sony Reader I was buying. She said, "One day there will be no book stores. Just people reading with these. Mark my words."

I said, "God, I hope not."

But she's probably right. Sad when a sixteen year old girl can hit such a nail on the head. Meanwhile I have boxes and boxes of beautiful old books that one day kids will look at and ask, "How do you get these into your reader?"

With the rise of ebooks have come the ebook publishers. To be fair, I'm one myself, wearing my Big Kahuna Publishing hat. But unlike me and Penguin Books, most of the suck. I mean, really, sincerely, suck. I guess that happens anytime something becomes cheap to do. Hardcopy books are still expensive to produce in large quantities, so most of them are at least professionally done. But not ebooks. And in the case of digital reading, you really CAN judge a book by its cover. If they look like they were slapped together by a blind one armed tree frog, then chances are the content inside won't be much better.

What will happen if books turn into that? If, just like the Internet, 99% of the non-porn content is crap?

I don't think I could take that. I don't think you want that either. So if you're thinking of publishing your own ebook, do us all a favor, and don't. Or, if you still have something to say, send it to me and I'll work it into something that won't make everyone but your Mom pray for death.

Keeping Your Kids Safe Online

2009-10-30T05:21:00.000-07:00

As a parent, and as an experienced Web Addict, I know how dangerous the Internet can be. And I worry about how it will impact my kids. There are products that try to serve as watchdogs, but they tend to inform parents after an event has taken place, and that's sort of like closing the barn door after the horses have gotten out. The only product I've found that ensures my kids are only interacting with other confirmed children, as opposed to a 40 year old truck driver named Chuck pretending to be a ten year old girl, is Dolphin Secure and its fingerprint technology. That's why I help them sell their product. I believe in it, and I use it.

If you're interested in the product, feel free to contact me directly, or join the Dolphin Secure Virginia facebook page.

Keeping your kids safe online

2009-10-01T07:01:00.000-07:00

Dolphin Secure is now available! Dolphin Secure is easy-to-download software that allows parents to manage where their children go and who they can talk to online. Dolphin Secure uses a fingerprint login system that requires each child to scan his fingerprint each time they go online.

To sign up and start keeping your kids safe on the Internet, go to https://www.dolphinsecure.com/register and enter my sales code when prompted (6474).

If you know of a group in need of funding (like the Scouts, for example, or your local school), I can set it up so your group gets a $3 commission on each person who signs up under your group’s name. For large groups, that’s a great way to do fundraising.

Questions about Dolphin Secure? Give me a call or drop me an email, or read the FAQs at: https://www.dolphinsecure.com/info/faqs

Celebrate Banned Book Week!

2009-09-17T13:38:00.001-07:00

http://www.moseisleybooks.com

Yard Nazis

2009-09-10T04:50:00.000-07:00

I tend to be naive about a lot of things. I'm not racist, so I assume no one around me is. I'm not judgemental, so I assume no one else is. I'm not a fracking loon, so I assume no one else is.

Boy, was I wrong.

I live in one of those neighborhoods with an Association. We pay a yearly fee, and in return someone cuts the grass. It also seems they go around and evaluate lawns. My lawn sucks. I'm not deluded in any way about that. I have young kids, limited time, two dogs, and I suck at yard work and household maintenence. My yard has weeds, the edges get a little uneven, I don't have a blower to blow my clippings into the phantom zone, and I can barely keep the lawn mower running.

But then again, other people have crappy lawns, too. I've checked. I'm not alone in that. At least my yard is green. Sure, it's mostly because the weeds have won out over the grass, but it's green, and it's relatively short.

Not sufficient, say the yard nazis.

These are the guys who spend half their salaries and all of their time working on their yards. It's ok with the kids don't get braces or attention, as long as they have a lush, green yard. Drought? Can't stop watering the yard on a daily basis.

And if that's what they like, then fine. I try not to judge. But come on...

I have a next door neighbor who believes the weeds in the community are being spawned solely in my yard, so he built a three foot fence to stop them. Built it himself over severalw eeks in the hot summer sun. Crazy as a hatter. It would only stop the weeds with eyes. The rest of them would either be airborne or travel under the ground. He spends an incredible amount of time on the yard. Currently it's all dead. I guess my weeds stole the rain.

When I suggested to our Association that maybe we should use our dues to repair the playground and avoid some crushed skulls, I was told that I was a jerk for suggesting the whole neighborhood rep[air something only the familys with young kids use, and by the way, you're a lazy slob who intentionally keeps his yard ugly to piss off the neighbors.

WTF?

I must admit it came as a bit of a shock to find out that anyone thought I had an ugly yard ON PURPOSE. Who does THAT? If I was doing it intentionally (like I don't cut the three inches of grass along that three foot fence. It's on my side, but it's not in my yard), I would do it up proper. Put a rusted out Chevy in front. Add some pink flamingos. Pee dirty words into the grass.

I think that the inherant flaw with volunteer Homeowners Associations is that the only people who have time to be on them are people who really shouldn't be on them. People who go to their yard with hair trimmers to ensure proper length of grass.

I think it's time to go pee in my yard...

It's Clobberin' Time!

2009-09-01T07:27:00.001-07:00

Disney to buy Marvel!

I'm not really sure what to think about that. Except I'm glad I own Disney stock. I think.

Star Wars Dance Off

2009-08-13T04:29:00.001-07:00

Ok, this is fracking hilarious! The Star Wars Dance Off at Disney World:

Part 1, Part 2, and just Can't Touch This

Google Ads

2009-08-12T20:08:00.001-07:00

Gotta wonder about a web page where Google Ads come up with the following "content driven" ads:

All I can say is: "Eeeeewwww!"

Fact or Fiction

2009-08-11T14:12:00.000-07:00

You decide.

Excitable Boy - a killer blog

Excerpt from Chapter 1

2009-08-05T08:47:00.000-07:00

I’d like to think it was the low point of my life, but at this point I just couldn’t tell. That’s pretty depressing, when you think about it. When Judas burst apart on the ground after betraying Jesus, I’m sure he was able to say, “Yep, this is as bad as it gets.” When Elvis felt his heart explode and realized he was dying on the toilet, you know he must have thought, “Wow, this is going to be about the worst way to go out anyone could think of.” And when one of those guys who sometimes fall into sewage vats began to drown, they surely thought, “I really wish I had died like Elvis.”

They all knew without a doubt when they had hit the low point of their life. Maybe it was easier for them because they died at their lowest point. But I thought of that already, and death isn’t always a person’s lowest point. If I had a heart attack while having sex after hearing that I’d won the Nebula Award for my first science fiction novel, that sure as hell wouldn’t be my lowest point. That would be pretty cool.

Death wouldn’t be my lowest point by far. I was forty-one years old, about a billion pounds overweight, and I was sitting in my bathroom trying to decide if I should wear an adult diaper.
It was my wife who first suggested it. Out loud, at least. I guess all my emergency bathroom quests started to get a little annoying, and the whole diaper thing just came about naturally.

“Why don’t I just keep one of those little camping toilets in the car?” I said, rather frantically.

“Because that’s just gross,” said my wife.

“And shitting in a diaper isn’t?”

“At least we don’t have to see you doing it. And the smell would probably be better. And would we have to pull over for you to get in the back of the car to poop?” My wife always said “poop.” Comes from having three young children. And English being a second language. “If you go in a diaper then we don’t have to stop.”

“Well, I’d hate for you to have to stop the car, or anything…”

“And what about if we aren’t in the car? Most of your emergency poops at Disney World weren’t in the car, they were standing in line at rides, or on the ferry, or – “

“I get it,” I said.

She had a point, the bitch. My strongest memories of our last two trips to Disney World were the quality of the many restrooms I visited. I think we went on some rides too, but those parts were a little hazy. “But a diaper, Jesus, Miyuki. I’m only forty one!”

“So? How long have you been barely making it to a bathroom to poop?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But a diaper. There’s no going back from something like that.”

Not everyone agreed it was a good idea. My friend Scott, for example, was horrified at the idea. “Man, you can’t wear a diaper. That’s just wrong,” he said.

“That what I said. But Miyuki thinks it’s a good idea.”

“And I hope you popped her in the mouth when she said that,” he answered, taking a last drag from his cigarette. He tossed it on the driveway and ground it out.

“The idea crossed my mind,” I said. “But then I had to go to the bathroom, and the opportunity passed.”

“A diaper,” Scott said, shaking his head. “That’s just wrong. It’s just wrong.”

Somewhere around this point you’re probably wondering to yourself, “Just what the hell is going on with this guy?” Was I mauled by an angry lion? Hurt in an airplane crash? The lone survivor of a mountain expedition slowly dying from a disease modern science can’t explain?
Don’t I wish.

What I am, or “what the hell is going on with this guy,” is more common than I ever realized. I manage to combine it in a truly interesting way with a grab bag of other physical and mental issues, but the back-story is nothing as dramatic as I would like. Embarrassing, definitely. Educational, maybe. I’ll let you decide.

Excerpt from a Work in Progress

2009-08-05T08:45:00.000-07:00

Foreword (or, The Part No One Reads)

Mel Brooks was once asked what he believed the difference was between comedy and tragedy. He replied, “If I cut my finger, it’s a tragedy. If you fall into an open manhole, it’s a comedy.” I think that sums it up nicely. So, while I’m sitting here writing a tragedy, I hope you enjoy the comedy.

I'm 1 of 25

2009-08-04T17:17:00.001-07:00

Dolphin Digital Media Sales Force Reaches 25
Thursday July 23, 7:00 am ET
New Sales Members are Being Added in Anticipation of Upcoming U.S. Launch of Dolphin Secure

MIAMI, July 23, 2009 (GLOBE NEWSWIRE) -- Dolphin Digital Media, Inc. (OTCBB:DPDM - News), a creator of secure social networking websites for children utilizing state-of the-art fingerprint identification technology, is pleased to announce that its sales force has reached 25 individuals nationwide. These Sales Members will market the Dolphin Secure platform (http://www.dolphinsecure.com) to parents, youth groups, and education providers, beginning with the product launch during the Back-to-School season.

Dolphin Secure is a groundbreaking family Internet solution that gives parents the tools to protect their children from online threats such as cyber-bullying and unsolicited Instant Messaging requests while they are using personal computers. Internet security is a top concern of parents today as an estimated 71 percent of teens and tweens between the ages of 9 and 17 regularly use social networking sites, with a majority of these users having posted a personal profile online. Additionally, a staggering 86 percent of online elementary school students and 70 percent of online teens share their passwords with friends making it easy for others to impersonate or cyber-bully them.

"Momentum for our upcoming launch of Dolphin Secure is definitely building, and a big key to our future success will be the quality of our Sales Members," said Bill O'Dowd, Chief Executive Officer of Dolphin Digital Media, Inc. "We've had the good fortune of selecting highly qualified individuals from a very large pool of interested applicants, and we can only attribute this to the strong desire of our Sales Members to be involved in marketing a product that they feel really passionate about," he said.

Dolphin Digital Media plans to continue to expand its sales force in the weeks leading up to the launch of Dolphin Secure.

ABOUT DOLPHIN DIGITAL MEDIA, INC.

Dolphin Digital Media, Inc. (http://www.dolphindigitalmedia.com) creates and manages social networking websites for children utilizing state-of the-art fingerprint identification technology. As a leading developer of Internet safety technology operating in the entertainment, digital media, and e-commerce sectors, there is a focus on the growing global market for social networking, downloadable entertainment content and branded merchandise sales. For more information, please visit (http://www.dolphindigitalmedia.com).

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Source: Dolphin Digital Media

Ghost Girl Diaries: FUBAR

2009-07-22T11:43:00.000-07:00

Ghost Girl Diaries: FUBAR

Ok, let me be clear. I don't believe in ghosts. Mostly not, at least. But this is still an interesting read.

Ghost Girl

2009-07-21T05:54:00.001-07:00

There's an interesting blog that I stumbled across called "The Ghost Girl Diaries." I don't know if you believe in ghosts, and I'm waiting to see if she does, but you can check it out.

Tornado vs the Walrus

2009-07-08T18:27:00.000-07:00

My son learned a valuable lesson today. He learned that gravity makes its own rules, and he learned about two types of fear.

The first type of fear is the type that people get from thrill rides or horror movies. It's a nervous laugh followed by an adrenalin rush, while in the back of your head you know you're safe. Sure, as that roller coaster barrels down, you may have the fleeting though that maybe just this time the track won't hold, but it isn't really strong enough to taste.

The second type of fear is usually only experienced by someone shortly before they die. It's the feeling that something has gone horribly, terribly wrong. Like that pain in your shoulder radiating down your arm, or that tree you know you won't miss. It's a very different type of fear.

Here's the situation, and before anything gets too out of hand, I'll let you know that Kevin and I lived. Kevin weights about 50 pounds soaking wet. I weigh 356 pounds (down from 391...a work in progress). I'm a big fella. But Kevin's 8 and wanted to ride the tornado water slide with his daddy. He'd ridden it with his mom, and it was no big deal.

We climbed the six stories to the top of the ride, which almost killed me right there. No line, and Kevin took the stairs two at a time. I was almost having a stroke when we got to the launchpad.

The float had four seats, and Kevin took the closest one. I took the one opposite him, sacrificing dignity to get my fat butt into the float hole. Kevin's side rose out of the water about a foot while my butt scraped the floor. The life guard gave us a shove with her shins to launch us, and we didn't budge. She tried again. Nothing. She tried to rotate the float and shove again, trying to hide a grin. She knew I was too heavy.

She took a running start and shoved the float hard enough to get us moving slowly towards the edge. "Sorry," I said, sheepishly.

Then we went over the edge into the Tornado.

I knew right away something was horribly, terribly wrong. Kevin was too high and I was too low, and we were moving way too fast. Kevin kept screaming, "You're making it go too fast! Stop it, daddy!" We picked up speed and angled almost 90 degrees, with Kevin slamming back and forth at the top of the float.

"Hold on!" I shouted to Kevin as if we were in a real tornado. Kevin clung to the raft for dear life. Just our luck if we broke free of the float and had to roll out of the ride like two wet hamsters in a sewer drain.

We kept our grips, although at one point I had to grab Kevin with my feet as my shoulders and head bounced against the slide. We shot out of the bottom of the slide fast enough to take the life guard by suprise, and went under briefly. Kevin was off the raft like lightening. I fell off clumsily, a fat walrus stuck in a tidal pool.

Real fear. Something to remember. And a wet flush of a ride with daddy, not to be repeated for a few hundred pounds.

Why IT Departments are Bad for IT Departments

2009-06-18T07:09:00.000-07:00

I've worked in a lot ot IT shops. Some good, some bad, some very bad. At each, I notice a very curious phenomenon; everyone outside of IT thought the IT folks were arrogant boneheads.

Sometimes they had a point. But in every case that opinion could have been mitigated by some common sense on the part of the IT department.

Take one shop I recently worked at. It was a pretty large IT department, with managers galore, an employee for just about everything, and dozens of consultants and contractors to do the things the managers didn't trust the staff to do. As you can probably tell, we're already getting into hot water. When a department has such a large headcount, especially in these economic times, other departments begin to wonder what they're getting for the money? And if IT has so many people, why do they still need contractors for everything? Why not just teach the staff to do things, and use the staff?

It all hinges, in large part, to the nature of managers in most IT shops. In the old days, your boss could do your job. That's how he got to be boss, by doing your job so well he got promoted to being in charge of other people doing the same job.

Not anymore.

Somehow administrators became in charge. In the place I worked, my immediate supervisor had minimal IT skills (i.e. he could get his laptop turned on without a call to the Help Desk), and the Department Director had absolutely none. Case in point, I was in a meeting with the Director a full year after I had been hired, when she told me she didn't realize I wasn't a programmer, and she wouldn't have hired me if she had known. I was dumbfounded. I was the Web Manager, hired after an extensive and expensive search for someone with just my particular set of skills. The business hadn't been able to successfully redesign their Web site in five years, so they went on a vast manhunt to find someone who designed portals for a living. I made it very clear I wasn't a backend guy, and the hiring committee (committee!) was ok with that; they had plenty of programmers who would be working for me. To find out after all that - and a year into my employment to boot - that the IT Department Director had no idea what I did...well...that sort of thing shows.

It was no wonder that the other departments felt the IT department was a waste of money. From their point of view, it was.

Although that, admittedly, was an extreme case, similar things are common. Businesses realize that IT is needed in the same way that a car needs fuel, but they don't realize that done right, IT can be so much more. An IT department shouldn't be a complete and seperate entity from other parts of a business. It should be integrated. Managers should have both IT and business experience so that they can do more than push around papers and resources, they can act as real thought leaders, finding the right technology to match with a real business need. Help Desks will always bee needed, but an IT shop shouldn't JUST be a Help Desk. It's an additional way of accomplishing the goals of the business, using a very specific set of skills and experience.

Disney Ownz Joo!

2009-05-27T12:47:00.000-07:00

My family and I visited that Mecca of fun, Walt Disney World. After spending a week that can only be described as "an horrific abomination," I once again marvel at Disney's ability to do two things:

1. Suck every last dollar from a person
2. Make you glad they did

Think of it this way. If we had been brutalized anywhere else, squeezed amongst millions of swine-flu infested rabble, starved, burned, frozen, and robbed, we would have returned home and said, "We are never going to the state fair again!"

But when practically the same thing happened at Walt Disney World? As soon as we returned home we said, "We've got to go back and do it right the next time!"

And you know what? Damn our souls, we will.

Marketing Super Towel

2009-05-08T08:14:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm now well on my way towards marketing my first children's book, "The Adventures of Super Towel: The Great Bedtime Battle." My son's class loves the book, so I just need to get their parent's to buy it.

I've also made my first foray into internet advertising with Google Ads. If you see the ads, don't click on 'em unless you're going to buy something! It's like 8 cents a click!

We'll see how that goes.

Mother's Day? Already?

2009-04-18T08:45:00.000-07:00

Sweet niblets! How can that be? I just got my Mom something, didn't I? Clinton was president, so it couldn't have been THAT long ago that we had Mother's Day, right?

I know, I know, I'm horrible. I have issues with time. It's nothing personal, really. I love my Mom. Mothers Day is a great thing. I just can't seem to remember it.

But I'll do my best to get her some flowers. Probably get some for my wife as well (she's a Mom, too, I hear). I'll put it on my list. I'll get to it. Really, I will. I love them both, so how hard could it be to order a gift? Everything's online, after all.

I'll do it right after I finish this blog. Really.

Who in the world is Amos Tamam?

2009-03-28T17:03:00.000-07:00

Amos Tamam came to this country in the 1980's and started out working at a taxi garage. Thirty years later he was still in the taxi business, but as the CEO of Verifone Transportation Systems, Inc. Amos Tamam used ingenuity and technical expertise to create a way to pay for your taxi ride with a credit card, wirelessly.

New York now has credit card taxi rides, thanks to Amos Tamam. He is currently working to get the same technology in other American cities.

You'd think this would be all good, right? Wrong. Taxi drivers in Philadelphia, for example, are up in arms over taking credit cards. Why? Cash has always allowed for a bit of wiggle-room. You don't always have to report a cash transaction, or report the amount accurately, leaving the driver with a little extra take-home pay. With credit cards, the amount is recorded.

Technology once again shoots down a cultural icon; the cash trade.

A bit about creativity...

2009-02-12T12:08:00.000-08:00

From TED.

Seperated at Birth

2009-01-30T06:37:00.001-08:00

This will only be funny to people who have met me. My wife thinks this guy (from the Sara Silverman show. He plays a fat gay guy) looks just like me. Personally, I don't see it.

Why EVE Online and ADD Don't Mix

2009-01-16T08:31:00.001-08:00

Selling Yourself Without Selling Out

2008-11-20T07:19:00.000-08:00

A great article at CIO.com for all of us who have trouble with self-promotion.

Another Modest Proposal

2008-10-16T13:40:00.000-07:00

An Update on the Control and Maintenance of the General Population Through Public Education
Presented to the Illuminati in closed session
Richmond, VA
USA

We've filled the schools with bureaucrats and pencil pushers who haven't had an original idea in decades, and made it almost impossible to push an agenda other than our own. When parents try to get involved, we tell them it's "against policy" and when they don't contribute enough funds we tell them they need "to be involved."

I look out at all of your round, shining faces, and I am once again glad that in a classless society, we are the upper class.

To give us all some background, there was a time in our Golden Age where only the rich received an education. After all, why force an education on peasants who have no interest in it? They were content to work on our farms and estates and do our bidding. And we were content to let them, lest they feel the sting of the whip or the rack.

Then, starting in the 1700's, those peasants starting getting unhealthy ideas. They started to question their lot in life, and revolt against the aristocracy. A bunch of farmers in the American Colonies successfully threw off the British royalty. French peasants overthrew the wealthy government, and cut off their heads to boot. The Prussians, arguably the most powerful military in the world, was defeated by an army of untrained rabble under the leadership of a guy named Napoleon.

Understandably the aristocrats were getting nervous. Without the peasant class, they'd have to do their own work. Without their heads, they couldn't eat their caviar. But what to do?

Then the King of Prussia and the Empress of Austria hit on a plan. Compulsory education to keep the working class in line. This plan and certain elements that made it appealing:

It was compulsory, enforced by guns and prison. The first goal of this system was to cause impressionable children to learn early on that their first loyalty was to the all-powerful state instead of their families.

It was linear rather than holistic. In order to become good soldiers and workers, the students needed to become linear thinkers who would do what they were told without looking at the larger picture. Topics would be split from each other and critical thinking would be unlearned.

It was timed. To prepare children for a life of factory work at the time when the Industrial Revolution was getting up to speed, it was decided that students must learn to start and stop their activities at the ring of a bell.

It was graded. With the Industrial Revolution came the concept of something "making the grade;" products either passed or failed. To fail was to be inferior, to pass was to be accepted.

No give and take. Students were not equals. In order to ask a question a student must ask permission to ask a question, by means of raising the hand. Knowledge and instruction flowed in one direction and was controlled.

Content was controlled. Like items on an assembly line, students could be standardized. They could be made into good citizens instead of revolutionaries.

At one point it looked like we in America wouldn't embrace this philosophy. Railroad magnates were concerned that education would strip away their almost slave-like labor. But the first US Commissioner of Education wrote a nice letter to the Railroads explaining that the public education system was "scientifically designed to produce socially compliant workers.

Thank God. The rest, as they say, is history.

So where are we now, my friends and colleagues? Well, aside from your children, who are all in private schools being prepared for a future of their own choosing, things are going pretty much as planned. The Standards of Learning passed in Virginia, and despite some working-class concerns, we managed to cement the deal and add another means of ensuring that schools don't stray from the path and teach creativity or critical thinking. We have teachers so busy teaching the Standards that they have no opportunity to teach anything useful and screw up our beautifully designed curriculum.

We have the "No Child Left Behind" policy in place, thanks to the President, which requires schools to practically double the amount of tests they have to purchase from us, making a nice $600 billion a year to help pay for our private educations.

We've filled the schools with bureaucrats and pencil pushers who haven't had an original idea in decades, and made it almost impossible to push an agenda other than our own. When parents try to get involved, we tell them it's "against policy" and when they don't contribute enough funds we tell them they need "to be involved."

Sure, sometimes the working class gets it in their heads to try and homeschool their children. Admittedly this is a growing problem, and it doesn't help matters that homeschooled students do better on college entrance exams than their public schooled peers. But with economic issues vying for their parent's attention, it is our hope that middle class America just won't have the time or resources to homeschool.

So what of the future? True, we don't need factory workers as much as we used to, but that doesn't mean we should consider giving in to the liberals and the intellectuals and allow our cheap labor a chance to pull themselves up to our level. There will always be a need to control the rabble. You never know when you might need a new gardener.

So I say, Stay the Course. We've done fine so far. Why change?

Thank you, and enjoy your veal. Try to tip your waitress as she probably eats soylent green three meals a day.

News Flash! Tropicana Creates a Hole In The Space-Time Continuum!

2008-10-13T00:19:00.000-07:00

I felt compelled to email Tropicana regarding a concern I had over their packaging and Truth in Marketing. I had just finished drinking 32 ounces of orange juice (120% Vitamin C), and thought I'd look at the ingredients. I didn't expect to be surprised, since the label said it was 100% Juice. I was stunned to see the below, which prompted the following email:

"I took a look at the ingredients for my Tropicana orange juice, which stated that it was 100% juice, and ran into what I can only assume is that "fuzzy math" I've heard about. "100%" in most cases refers to "everything." On your ingredients, it lists "100% pure orange juice," which is good, but then it lists "and natural flavors*" with the "*" being: "Ingredients not found in regular orange juice.

What the heck is THAT? What ingredients, and how can there be ANYTHING added over "100%" of something? Are you fracturing the space-time continuum?"

I'm still awaiting Tropicana's response. It might be that they mean, "Of the juice that we put in the bottle, 100% of THAT juice is juice. But there could be other things that we included, such as pesticides and radioactive spiders, which would fall into the 'ingredient not found in regular orange juice'."

UPDATE:
On 10/14/08 I received the following email from Tropicana. In a nutshell, they can say 100% when it's not 100% because the FDA says they can. But, if I'd like 100% juice that is more 100% than the 100% juice I'd been drinking, they have an additional product that is the same 100%, minus the part over 100%.

Chris:
We're pleased to answer your questions about natural flavors in Tropicana Orange Juice From Concentrate and explain about juice labeling. We follow the FDA Code of Federal Regulations for labeling. Ingredient suppliers consider their natural flavors highly confidential and are not required by federal labeling laws to disclose every component of a flavor formula. However, we can tell you that the term "natural flavor" in an ingredient listing can only be used when a natural food, such as fruits for example, are roasted, heated or extracted to concentrate the flavoring components. Natural flavors are used to enhance the flavor of a product. The amount of flavor in a product is typically very low. Ingredients are listed on labels in descending order by weight.
Juice is still called "100% juice" despite the addition of ingredients such as natural flavorings or nutritional supplements. This is because these added ingredients do not change the amount of juice solids in the product. Accordingly, we believe the label accurately discloses the nature and composition of the product and is properly labeled. If you prefer an orange juice without natural flavors, you'll be happy to know that we also offer Tropicana Pure Premium Orange Juice located in your store's chilled juice aisle.
Also, if you would like to provide your complete mailing address, we would be happy to mail a full value coupon, good on any of our products. Thank you for your business, Chris, and we hope this information is helpful.
NAME REDACTED
Tropicana Consumer Relations

Monitors

2008-10-06T08:29:00.001-07:00

VP debate

2008-10-06T07:46:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROt3qC8TRVc

Book on Amazon!

2008-09-22T06:33:00.000-07:00

It may not seem like much, but I'm very excited my book is available on Amazon!

David Foster Wallace Dies

2008-09-15T13:36:00.000-07:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080915/ap_en_ot/books_wallace

It's Go Time!

2008-06-18T12:36:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVKnF26qFFM

Memory Walk 2008

2008-05-15T06:04:00.000-07:00

In 2005, give or take, my father starting displaying signs of early Alzheimer's. In April of 2008, he decided to go for a drive. He crossed traffic and cut in front of a police car, which t-boned his car. The car bounced into a tree, which wasn't good for either the car or the tree. Aside from some fractured ribs, no one was hurt. But the trauma of the accident pushed my father from functional to full blown Alzheimer's.

I had always known what Alzheimer's was, and that it wasn't a nice thing to have. But it wasn't until it came into my home and my family that I realized the impact it can have.We all age. We all grow old and fall into disrepair. But there's something about Alzheimer's, about how it robs you of your history and your connections and your mind, that just isn't...I don't know...just isn't fitting. It just isn't right.

It's a disease, but not a fact of life. There's an old saying about tyranny that applies here as well. Evil flourishes when good people do nothing.I can't cure any diseases, but I won't sit by and do nothing.

I am determined to make a difference. By participating in the 2008 Alzheimer's Association Memory Walk®, I have committed to raise awareness and funds for Alzheimer research, as well as for care and support for people already affected by the disease. Currently more than 5 million Americans have Alzheimer's. Unless we find a way to change the course of the disease, 16 million Americans will have Alzheimer’s by 2050. I want to do my part to fight this fatal disease – but I can’t do it without your help. Memory Walk funds help the Alzheimer's Association advance important research into better treatments and a possible cure for Alzheimer’s. And for the millions already affected by the disease, the Association offers care, education, support and resources in communities nationwide.

On behalf of the millions of Americans who are living with Alzheimer’s, thank you for supporting my efforts.

Donation Page

Lions and Buffalo and Crocs, Oh My!

2008-05-09T09:20:00.000-07:00

Pretty amazing stuff...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU8DDYz68kM

What next? An Ironman comic book?

2008-04-16T10:10:00.000-07:00

Karate Masters

2008-04-15T07:44:00.001-07:00

As far as I know, only one is real (the guy who flips onto his face - he's actually pretty good, he just made the mistake of messing up on camera). All are funny.

Ultimate Cool

2008-04-04T08:04:00.001-07:00

Starship and alien dimensions.

Daddy's Little Girl

2008-03-31T09:02:00.000-07:00

My youngest daughter, now a little over three weeks old, can go from full squall to calm sleep in seconds by listening to "Paradise by the Dashboard Light," by Meat Loaf. My wife and I disagree on the reason. I think it's the beauty of Meat Loaf's wafting tones. My wife thinks it's the boredom of Old Man Rock.

Either way, I must thank Mr. Loaf.

Super Powers

2008-03-20T06:17:00.001-07:00

Check out this video: 3rd Annual Now Film Festival -Wk 22 Finalist - Super Powers

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Childhood's End

2008-03-20T05:28:00.000-07:00

Arthur C. Clarke has died.

He will be missed.

The life of a great writer.

Today's Image

2008-03-17T07:30:00.000-07:00

Baby Meg Arrives!

2008-03-07T10:57:00.001-08:00

Energetic waste of time

2008-02-29T06:37:00.000-08:00

http://www.extremepamplona.com/Game/thechase_secure.swf

Today's Image

2008-02-29T06:03:00.001-08:00

Today's Image

2008-02-25T07:48:00.000-08:00

My Public Calendar

2008-02-21T08:22:00.000-08:00

Falls into the "kinda cool" department.

http://okennon.myplaxo.com/calendar

My IT Career

2008-02-19T13:24:00.000-08:00

This is kinda neat...

To see my full career page, click here
http://www.jobfox.com/people/cokennon

Nature Rocks

2008-02-19T12:29:00.000-08:00

Hawaii Chair

2008-02-14T07:42:00.000-08:00

I want one of these. Goes great with porn.

Law and Order: Batman

2008-02-08T07:46:00.001-08:00

Code Review

2008-02-07T12:20:00.000-08:00

Today's Image

2008-02-02T12:19:00.000-08:00

Comcast Sucks. Really.

2008-01-22T11:01:00.000-08:00

With the ever rising cost of cable television, and the ever dropping customer service and usefulness of programming, I decided we didn't need cable TV anymore. I wanted to keep my high speed internet connection from Comcast, as we leave out in the boonies, and DSL hasn't gotten to us yet.

So I contacted Comcast to cancel my TV service...

user Chris_ has entered room

chris(Tue Jan 22 12:18:44 EST 2008)>I'd like to cancel my cable TV service. ONLY the TV service. Thanks!
analyst Timothy.17924 has entered room

Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:18:52 EST 2008)>Hello Chris_, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Timothy.17924. Please give me one moment to review your information.
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:19:02 EST 2008)>While I am pulling up your account records, can you give me a brief run-down on the issue you are having today?
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:19:37 EST 2008)>We don't use the cable TV service, so we'd like to cancel it. We do want to keep our other comcast services, though.
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:19:48 EST 2008)>I will be happy to help you with that today.
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:20:03 EST 2008)>Comcast is dedicated to protecting its customers against unauthorized access to their accounts. In order to verify your identity, I must ask you for the last four digits of your Social Security Number.
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:20:13 EST 2008)>XXXX
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:20:23 EST 2008)>I do apologize, but I am afraid that the number that you have given me does not match the Social Security Number that I have on my records. Is there another number that may have been used when the account was created?
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:21:01 EST 2008)>It should be on my SSN. XXX-XXX-XXXX.
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:21:18 EST 2008)>O'Kennon.
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:21:29 EST 2008)>Possibly under OKennon.
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:21:32 EST 2008)>This is probably our mistake. But unfortunately, I cannot access your account without verification. I suggest that you go into your local office. They will reconfirm your Social Security Number and update our records.
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:21:34 EST 2008)>For the moment, however, in order to confirm your identity, may I please have your full Driver's License Number?
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:21:48 EST 2008)>XXXXXXXXX (same SSN).
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:23:03 EST 2008)>XXaddress entered hereXX.
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:23:19 EST 2008)>May I please have your Driver's License Number?
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:23:37 EST 2008)>Just gave it to you. XXXXXXXXX.
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:24:00 EST 2008)>I do apologize, but the number that you have given me does not match the Driver's License Number that I have on my records. This is probably our fault, but unfortunately, I cannot access your account without verifying your identity.
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:24:04 EST 2008)>For the moment, however, in order to confirm your identity, may I please have your full Comcast account number?
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:24:27 EST 2008)>Let me see if I can find that...
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:25:40 EST 2008)>XXXXXXXX-XX
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:26:07 EST 2008)>Thank you.
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:26:37 EST 2008)>I can remove the cable, but the overall price of your service will rise by $3.88, and your speed will drop to 33% its current rate. Is this all right?
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:26:58 EST 2008)>Why will the speed drop?
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:28:17 EST 2008)>Because with the cable line restricted, to remove the channels, the available bandwidth is reduced.
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:28:42 EST 2008)>What will the speed be? 12 Mbps?
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:29:32 EST 2008)>4 Mb/s. You are currently receiving 6 Mb/s.
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:30:25 EST 2008)>I suppose I don't have much choice. Under what circumstances would it be 12 Mbps, like the website says?
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:31:18 EST 2008)>You get that speed in burst mode, getting the first ten megabytes of large files.
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:31:56 EST 2008)>And after that its 4. Ok.
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:32:45 EST 2008)>What would be the effective end date of service for the TV?
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:33:19 EST 2008)>You still wish to cancel television service?
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:33:30 EST 2008)>Yes, just the TV service.
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:33:58 EST 2008)>I apologize for the inconvenience, but it will take me a few moments to process your order. May I please place you on hold?
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:34:06 EST 2008)>Sure.
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:38:59 EST 2008)>Thank you for holding. I apologize for the delay.
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:39:06 EST 2008)>No prob
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:39:16 EST 2008)>There will be a one-time charge of $14.70 for this transaction, and your new monthly rate will be $57.95 plus applicable taxes and state fees. This includes any and all Comcast services that you now have on the account.
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:39:39 EST 2008)>What's the charge for?
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:40:07 EST 2008)>The technician will need to climb a telephone pole.
Chris_ (Tue Jan 22 12:40:40 EST 2008) >We don't have a telephone pole.
Timothy.17924(Tues Jan 22 12:40:40 EST 2008)> What?
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:40:41 EST 2008)>Not sure that's my problem, anyway. Why should I pay for him to do that?
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:41:17 EST 2008)>It is the standard fee to downgrade or disconnect service.
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:41:57 EST 2008)>Do you have a supervisor around who could wave the fee? It would save me the trouble of writing one of those angry customer letters.
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:42:24 EST 2008)>My supervisor would be unable to waive the fee. Should we do so, the local Comcast office will simply add it back on.
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:42:54 EST 2008)>Love the red tape. Ok, go ahead, I'll deal with that later.
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:43:38 EST 2008)>What date and time would you most like the work done on?
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:44:07 EST 2008)>25th or 26th would be good, any time.
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:44:31 EST 2008)>How about 8:00 AM to 11:00 AM?
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:44:40 EST 2008)>That's fine.
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:45:04 EST 2008)>I do apologize; that is on January 25th.
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:45:09 EST 2008)>Ok.
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:45:27 EST 2008)>I have booked a technician for Friday, January 25th, between 8:00 AM and 11:00 AM. The technician will call approximately thirty minutes before arriving. Please ensure that someone is at home who is eighteen years of age or over.
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:45:47 EST 2008)>What would we have to do?
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:46:06 EST 2008)>The technician will confirm your disconnection, and collect the analog cable box.
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:46:26 EST 2008)>Ok.
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:46:42 EST 2008)>Is there anything else that I may assist you with today?
Chris_(Tue Jan 22 12:46:50 EST 2008)>That would be it.
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:47:07 EST 2008)>Thank you for contacting Comcast. We value your business.
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:47:08 EST 2008)>If you need additional assistance, you can find product support information on our web site at http://www.comcast.com/Support/
Timothy.17924(Tue Jan 22 12:47:08 EST 2008)>I hope that you have a great day.

So, in order for me to STOP using their service, I have to pay them, AND be home to confirm what I just told them I wanted to have done.

I am SOO getting the Dish.

Today's Image

2008-01-14T06:44:00.000-08:00

Today's Image

2008-01-04T08:31:00.001-08:00

Store

2007-12-26T12:43:00.001-08:00

The IT Crowd

2007-12-21T08:42:00.000-08:00

Funny - yet accurate - stuff. The horrors of being in the IT Department.

Today's Image

2007-12-14T08:10:00.000-08:00

Today's Image

2007-11-21T06:46:00.000-08:00

No reason.

Notice credibility comes with red hair...

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - Bunny Style

2007-11-21T05:50:00.000-08:00

Better than the original!

Plus Zombies!

Today's Image

2007-11-20T08:51:00.000-08:00

Today's Image

2007-11-16T09:47:00.000-08:00

Super powers + babes = AWESOME!

English Lessons: The Important Stuff

2007-11-14T08:22:00.000-08:00

You just gotta love them Japanese...

Today's Image

2007-11-13T11:51:00.001-08:00

WTF?

2007-11-08T05:32:00.000-08:00

Really, how does this stuff happen??

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21678196/

Bill's New Holiday

2007-11-05T10:25:00.000-08:00

Maher: “New rule, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas must be combined into one single super-holiday called Thankshallowismas. That way you only have to get together with your batshit family once, in a costume, for candy, presents, and a big turkey dinner. Then it’s everybody into the den to watch football until your drunken uncle calls your cousin a whore.”

Although I like "Hallowthankismas" better.

Today's Image

2007-11-05T07:17:00.001-08:00

Bad Tequila Taste

2007-11-02T07:12:00.000-07:00

Ok, let me start of by saying I have nothing against Tila Tequila. I was one of her first few hundred MySpace friends a billion years ago (I'll take a moment for you to tease me about that. Now we will continue). She's cute as a button (and for those of you who have never fantasized about having sex with a button, I've included a photo), and arguably the Queen of self promotion. She went from being a fairly obscure musician to someone with a global following and a show on MTV. I'm not a big fan of most of her music, but music is a personal thing, so I'm definitely not going to knock it.

But her new show "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila" made me vomit in my mouth and want to rinse my eyes with paint thinner. I don't know how much creative control Miss Tequila has, but since it all rides on her shoulders, I would hope she'd have the power to set right what so horribly has gone wrong.

For those of you who haven't seen it, the basic idea is like "The Bachelorette," only she's really hot and - here's the twist - she's bisexual and has a group of men AND women vying for her affection.

Now, a certain amount of campy shtick is to be expected. I mean, it's a bisexual Internet Hottie on a reality show. It ain't King Leer. I get that. But the folks who come courting are just...well...
Either bad actors or poorly programmed robots. Quite possibly both.

I mean, I know there are guys who know so little about romance and women that they think what they were doing was cool, but those guys usually spend their time playing Dungeons and Dragons on a Friday night, not making sure their chiseled abs are oiled up. The characters are so stereotypically one sided that it's painful to watch. Tila comments about one guy that there are "a million that look just like him" which is so very true about everyone on the show. Would it have hurt to include a few average looking people? A few average acting people? Someone who doesn't act like they're starving at a Golden Corral?

Whee! We might get to have sex with Tila! Puh-leeze. Tila's good looking, but she can't be the only hot Asian girl these little stud muffins have ever seen. Throttle back on the dog and pony show.

And, possibly the most horrible and offensive part of the whole show, what if Tila Tequila really does think these are good catches? What if she screened all these well built but abysmally shallow caricatures of humans and liked these the most?

*shudder*

Today's Image

2007-11-02T05:41:00.000-07:00

Halloween: Part 2 - In Defense of Halloween

2007-10-31T08:26:00.000-07:00

In Defense of Halloween

I don't get people who are offended by Halloween. I understand if you don't like to dress up, or go to parties, or just aren't into the whole thing, but offended by it? Aren't there enough real problems in the world to be offended over?

Halloween isn't about worshiping the devil anymore than Christmas is about worshiping Santa Claus. Sure, it has its roots in paganism, but so does Easter. When people dress up as zombies and ghosts, they aren't doing it to pay homage to the underworld, or to trick evil spirits into thinking the Wal-Mart skeleton is a real member of the walking dead. People dress up because playing dress up is fun.

We did it as kids, but we usually can't get away with it as adults. Too much adult stuff gets in the way. But on Halloween, just for the night, we can be kids again. We can thumb our noses at mortality and laugh in the face of death. Because every other day we're too busy licking our wounds to do so.

Today's Image

2007-10-30T09:07:00.001-07:00

What was that middle part again?

2007-10-26T10:55:00.000-07:00

I'm going to Kenya!

2007-10-25T12:39:00.001-07:00

http://www.weebls-stuff.com/flash/381kenya3.swf

Today's Image

2007-10-25T08:18:00.000-07:00

Today's Image

2007-10-24T06:26:00.000-07:00

Ever feel like Christopher Walkin?

2007-10-18T13:24:00.001-07:00

Today's Image

2007-10-15T09:46:00.000-07:00

Spoiler!

Today's Image

2007-10-12T07:59:00.000-07:00

The beginning of a bad day in the world of crime...

How changes in language use can come back to haunt you...

Trailer

2007-10-11T11:06:00.000-07:00

As anyone who has gone to see a crappy movie based on a cool trailer can attest to, it's all about editing.

http://www.planetvids.com/html/Funny-Shining-Trailer.html

Extreme Geeks

2007-10-10T07:25:00.000-07:00

99% of you won't get this at all. That 1% of you probably spend too much time online.

Halloween: Part 1

2007-10-10T05:51:00.000-07:00

Halloween's origins date back to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain (pronounced sow-in).
The Celts, who lived 2,000 years ago in the area that is now Ireland, the United Kingdom, and northern France, celebrated their new year on November 1. This day marked the end of summer and the harvest and the beginning of the dark, cold winter, a time of year that was often associated with human death. Celts believed that on the night before the new year, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred. On the night of October 31, they celebrated Samhain, when it was believed that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth. In addition to causing trouble and damaging crops, Celts thought that the presence of the otherworldly spirits made it easier for the Druids, or Celtic priests, to make predictions about the future. For a people entirely dependent on the volatile natural world, these prophecies were an important source of comfort and direction during the long, dark winter.
To commemorate the event, Druids built huge sacred bonfires, where the people gathered to burn crops and animals as sacrifices to the Celtic deities.

During the celebration, the Celts wore costumes, typically consisting of animal heads and skins, and attempted to tell each other's fortunes. When the celebration was over, they re-lit their hearth fires, which they had extinguished earlier that evening, from the sacred bonfire to help protect them during the coming winter.

By A.D. 43, Romans had conquered the majority of Celtic territory. In the course of the four hundred years that they ruled the Celtic lands, two festivals of Roman origin were combined with the traditional Celtic celebration of Samhain.

The first was Feralia, a day in late October when the Romans traditionally commemorated the passing of the dead. The second was a day to honor Pomona, the Roman goddess of fruit and trees. The symbol of Pomona is the apple and the incorporation of this celebration into Samhain probably explains the tradition of "bobbing" for apples that is practiced today on Halloween.
By the 800s, the influence of Christianity had spread into Celtic lands. In the seventh century, Pope Boniface IV designated November 1 All Saints' Day, a time to honor saints and martyrs. It is widely believed today that the pope was attempting to replace the Celtic festival of the dead with a related, but church-sanctioned holiday. The celebration was also called All-hallows or All-hallowmas (from Middle English Alholowmesse meaning All Saints' Day) and the night before it, the night of Samhain, began to be called All-hallows Eve and, eventually, Halloween. Even later, in A.D. 1000, the church would make November 2 All Souls' Day, a day to honor the dead. It was celebrated similarly to Samhain, with big bonfires, parades, and dressing up in costumes as saints, angels, and devils. Together, the three celebrations, the eve of All Saints', All Saints', and All Souls', were called Hallowmas.

As European immigrants came to America, they brought their varied Halloween customs with them. Because of the rigid Protestant belief systems that characterized early New England, celebration of Halloween in colonial times was extremely limited there.

It was much more common in Maryland and the southern colonies. As the beliefs and customs of different European ethnic groups, as well as the American Indians, meshed, a distinctly American version of Halloween began to emerge. The first celebrations included "play parties," public events held to celebrate the harvest, where neighbors would share stories of the dead, tell each other's fortunes, dance, and sing. Colonial Halloween festivities also featured the telling of ghost stories and mischief-making of all kinds. By the middle of the nineteenth century, annual autumn festivities were common, but Halloween was not yet celebrated everywhere in the country.

In the second half of the nineteenth century, America was flooded with new immigrants. These new immigrants, especially the millions of Irish fleeing Ireland's potato famine of 1846, helped to popularize the celebration of Halloween nationally. Taking from Irish and English traditions, Americans began to dress up in costumes and go house to house asking for food or money, a practice that eventually became today's "trick-or-treat" tradition. Young women believed that, on Halloween, they could divine the name or appearance of their future husband by doing tricks with yarn, apple parings, or mirrors.

In the late 1800s, there was a move in America to mold Halloween into a holiday more about community and neighborly get-togethers, than about ghosts, pranks, and witchcraft.
At the turn of the century, Halloween parties for both children and adults became the most common way to celebrate the day. Parties focused on games, foods of the season, and festive costumes. Parents were encouraged by newspapers and community leaders to take anything "frightening" or "grotesque" out of Halloween celebrations. Because of their efforts, Halloween lost most of its superstitious and religious overtones by the beginning of the twentieth century.
By the 1920s and 1930s, Halloween had become a secular, but community-centered holiday, with parades and town-wide parties as the featured entertainment. Despite the best efforts of many schools and communities, vandalism began to plague Halloween celebrations in many communities during this time. By the 1950s, town leaders had successfully limited vandalism and Halloween had evolved into a holiday directed mainly at the young. Due to the high numbers of young children during the fifties baby boom, parties moved from town civic centers into the classroom or home, where they could be more easily accommodated. Between 1920 and 1950, the centuries-old practice of trick-or-treating was also revived. Trick-or-treating was a relatively inexpensive way for an entire community to share the Halloween celebration. In theory, families could also prevent tricks being played on them by providing the neighborhood children with small treats. A new American tradition was born, and it has continued to grow. Today, Americans spend an estimated $6.9 billion annually on Halloween, making it the country's second largest commercial holiday.

Next: Halloween: Part 2 - In Defense of Halloween

Today's Image

2007-10-09T08:34:00.000-07:00

Today's Stumble

2007-10-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

I thought this was pretty good, so I'm passing it along.

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I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of a 5 year old again.

I want to go to McDonald's and think that it is a four star restaurant.
I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples in a pond with rocks.
I want to think M&M's are better than money because you can eat them.
I want to lie under a big oak tree and watch the ants march up its trunk.
I want to run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.
I want to go fishing and care more about catching the minnows along the shore than the big bass in the lake.
I want to think the world is fair.
I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all I knew about were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes. When I didn't know what I know now. When all I knew was to be happy because I was blissfully unaware of all the things that should make me worried.
I want to think that a quarter is worth more than a dollar bill because it is prettier and weighs more.
I want to think that everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible.
I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things in life again.
I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, dreams, the imagination, the Tooth Fairy, a kiss that makes a boo-boo go away, making angels in the snow, and that my dad and G-d are the strongest people in the world.

So......here's my checkbook and my car keys, my credit cards and the bills, my 401K statements, my stocks and bonds, my collections, my insurance premiums, my job, my house and the payments, my e-mail address, pager, cell phone, computer, and watch. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this with me further, you'll have to catch me cause........ tag! You're it!

Today's Image

2007-10-08T09:12:00.001-07:00