Why Star Wars Sucks

Let me start by saying that the Star Wars series of movies has had a profound influence on my life in many ways other than just keeping me from getting laid. And, for morons like myself, the series can do no wrong, rocks harder than a wet dream with Kiana and Mimi Miyagi, and defines a segment of the population's morals, ethics, and force power choices. I would go see a Star Wars movie no matter how crappy it is, even if it was just four hours of Yoda jerking off a walrus.

That said, in a rare moment of lucidity, I realized that George Lucas (sometimes referred to as Lord God Lucas) either took complete leave of his senses while filming the series, or is a closet moron. And I mean that in the best possible way.

I will explain. And, as always, if you don't agree, you have two choices. 1. Get Bent. 2. E-mail threats to me.

Amidala is a Racist
In the movie, "Attack of the Clones," Senator Amidala is shown superficially as a wise young woman with the hots for Anakin Skywalker (Spoiler-> the punk kid who becomes Darth Vader). But if you can get past the pert breasts and tight butt (Amidala was pretty cute, too), you notice why such a hot chick would fall for such a dork as Anakin. She, too, is a freak. Like so many other good looking babes, she has some fruit hidden in her carry-on, if you know what I mean.
Anakin goes on a fairly justified killing spree, and wipes out a tribe of Sand People, every man, woman, and child. He tells Amidala this, and she responds with some sappy, "That's ok, I still love you" crap. Good God, woman! You should be recoiling in horror! Little Ani just killed a hamlet full of women and children! Amidala might just as well have said, "It's ok. They were just sand people. It's not like they were nice white Naboo people."

Then they go off and frolic like rabbits, the stink of dead children still on little Ani. Couple of freaks.

Darth Vader Got Off Easy
At the end of the third/last movie of the series, Darth Vader redeems himself by saving Luke and killing the evil Emperor.

Yeah. Right.

Why was this such a big damn deal? Luke had kicked Darth's ass, and the Emperor had made it clear that Darth was damaged goods. So what else would a disgruntled fired employee do? Postal workers do it all the time, and none of them go to Heaven (although that could just be because they're postal workers). Darth decided to get back at his jerk of a boss, who had been ordering him around since he was a kid, probably sodomizing him and making him listen to opera, and other evil shit. So pick his bony ass up and toss him into a convenient although unlikely pit, and die satisfied.

Big friggin hero.

Foreigners Need to Learn English
Yoda has been around forever, is a Master Jedi, and still can't speak English worth a damn. Enough said. Illiterate little puke. I can't understand you, you green turd!

Done.