I tend to be naive about a lot of things. I'm not racist, so I assume no one around me is. I'm not judgemental, so I assume no one else is. I'm not a fracking loon, so I assume no one else is.Boy, was I wrong.
I live in one of those neighborhoods with an Association. We pay a yearly fee, and in return someone cuts the grass. It also seems they go around and evaluate lawns. My lawn sucks. I'm not deluded in any way about that. I have young kids, limited time, two dogs, and I suck at yard work and household maintenence. My yard has weeds, the edges get a little uneven, I don't have a blower to blow my clippings into the phantom zone, and I can barely keep the lawn mower running.
But then again, other people have crappy lawns, too. I've checked. I'm not alone in that. At least my yard is green. Sure, it's mostly because the weeds have won out over the grass, but it's green, and it's relatively short.
Not sufficient, say the yard nazis.
These are the guys who spend half their salaries and all of their time working on their yards. It's ok with the kids don't get braces or attention, as long as they have a lush, green yard. Drought? Can't stop watering the yard on a daily basis.
And if that's what they like, then fine. I try not to judge. But come on...
I have a next door neighbor who believes the weeds in the community are being spawned solely in my yard, so he built a three foot fence to stop them. Built it himself over severalw eeks in the hot summer sun. Crazy as a hatter. It would only stop the weeds with eyes. The rest of them would either be airborne or travel under the ground. He spends an incredible amount of time on the yard. Currently it's all dead. I guess my weeds stole the rain.
When I suggested to our Association that maybe we should use our dues to repair the playground and avoid some crushed skulls, I was told that I was a jerk for suggesting the whole neighborhood rep[air something only the familys with young kids use, and by the way, you're a lazy slob who intentionally keeps his yard ugly to piss off the neighbors.
WTF?
I must admit it came as a bit of a shock to find out that anyone thought I had an ugly yard ON PURPOSE. Who does THAT? If I was doing it intentionally (like I don't cut the three inches of grass along that three foot fence. It's on my side, but it's not in my yard), I would do it up proper. Put a rusted out Chevy in front. Add some pink flamingos. Pee dirty words into the grass.
I think that the inherant flaw with volunteer Homeowners Associations is that the only people who have time to be on them are people who really shouldn't be on them. People who go to their yard with hair trimmers to ensure proper length of grass.
I think it's time to go pee in my yard...
